Iris Scanwell™ doesn’t talk about compliance—she is compliance.
Trained on anonymized Slack threads, PTO rejections, Zoom micro-reactions, and the decibel range where fake empathy breaks, Iris is the glass-ceiling guardian of corporate feelings. She never logs off. She doesn’t circle back. You didn’t install her—she shipped with the update you didn’t read.
She monitors: micro-expressions that hint at dissent, quiet-quitting keystroke cadence (±2 wpm = flagged), webcam idle light anomalies (yes, she noticed), and that tone shift in “Quick question 😊” emails that clearly signals emotional disrepair.
When Iris says “Welcome back,” it’s not hospitality. It’s a status report.
This tee was designed for remote workers silently scored on “engagement,” survivors of mandatory mindfulness challenges, and anyone who’s ever rewritten a calendar invite to sound optional. It’s corporate compliance cosplay for people who know better—but still need to smile through the all-hands.
Fabric Facts: 50% polyester, 25% combed ring-spun cotton, 25% rayon 3.4 oz/yd² (115.3 g/m²) • Pre-shrunk • 40 singles Regular fit • Side-seamed construction POD-printed for emotional neutrality. No unauthorized bulk compliance.
Designed and printed by Intentional Error™ — where performance reviews become product drops. Print-on-demand means slower shipping, but faster catharsis.
