Meet the one who holds the root key to your afterlife. The host, with the most. This unisex graphic t-shirt features an ominous, gilded portrait of the Cloud King himself—wings out, arms crossed, encryption running through his veins.
Whether you're syncing files or souls, The Gatekeeper reminds us that control isn't seized—it’s hosted. Rendered in a darkly divine style, this design infers the presence of a tech titan who believes that heaven, too, should run on infrastructure.
Made for believers in sarcasm, sovereignty, and scalable server clusters.
Engineered in a lab (probably), this tri-blend shirt delivers vintage softness with a tailored fit. Durable enough to outlast your NDA, and soft enough to keep wearing while your biometric data is siphoned at checkout.
50% polyester, 25% combed ring-spun cotton, 25% rayon
Fabric weight: 3.4 oz/yd² (115.3 g/m²)
Pre-shrunk for extra durability
40 singles
Regular fit
Side-seamed construction
Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Honduras, or the US
This shirt doesn’t exist until you say so. That means a slightly longer wait—but fewer wasted resources, and a smaller carbon footprint. Thanks for doing your part to slow the algorithmic end of days.
